Boarding schools are as famous for their tales of gay sex as they are for
their formidable academic reputation. But the belief that the posh kids
are all enjoying wild sex-lives blinds people to the crippling emotional
problems that pupils are often left with.
I remember before going to Eton in 1971, reading an ex-housemaster’s
book about school life, which described homosexuality as 'almost always
a phase and nothing for parents to worry about'.
Marcus Gottlieb, a former boarder at Eton in the 70s, is now a psychologist.
He offers support for gay boarding school "survivors" and claims that ex-students are
still suffering from hiding their sexuality during their youth.
"I remember before going
to Eton in 1971, reading an ex-housemaster’s book about school life, which described
homosexuality as 'almost always a phase and nothing for parents to worry about'," he says.
"When I got there, my housemaster's rumoured attitude was: 'I don't mind mutual
masturbation but I draw the line at buggery'."
In my schooldays the word 'gay' wasn’t used as an insult – instead the term
'perv' was used. That says it all really.
"In my schooldays the word 'gay' wasn’t used as an insult – instead the term 'perv'
was used. That says it all really" He adds becoming a completely different person is a
way of life for some gay students. "[At boarding school] it's so much more important to
pass yourself off as 'normal' – as one of the boys or girls – and not to let anyone
suspect your gayness. There's really no outlet.”
Gottlieb is running one of the first series of workshops in London especially for gay
men who have been ex-boarders.
Gottlieb is running one of the first series of workshops in London
especially for gay men who have been ex-boarders.
He claims many have experienced difficulties when they
leave for life outside the school walls.
"There is an overriding lack of privacy at boarding school, an absence of personal
space and boundaries that other children or teenagers take for granted. "You are
always subject to intrusion. So you're very alert to how others are behaving," he says.
"Your actual impulses, needs, desires, preferences about anything – what you eat, how
you exercise your body, or how you express your sexuality – are experienced as a
nuisance or simply irrelevant."
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