Gottlieb claims that some of the gay ex-boarders he has dealt with have experienced
debilitating problems such as clinical depression, eating disorders and alcoholism.
We all have strategies for
surviving at boarding school, rigidly conforming,
acting tough, evasiveness, humour.
Although some are often successful in their career, they discover relationships
aren’t working and friendships are often superficial. He says many are in their 30s
before they realise something is missing in their lives. "We all have strategies for
surviving at boarding school, rigidly conforming, acting tough, evasiveness, humour,"
he recalls.
"In my schooldays the word 'gay' wasn't used as an insult – instead the term 'perv'
was used. That says it all really. “My own experience was of bursting out [of the
closet] pretty soon after leaving, but the guilt and oppression has left a deep scar."
One ex-boarder said: "It's like an extra suit of armour you have to wear in that, to
an extent, you've already adapted your personality to fit and keeping a handle on your
gay feelings is just another thing to worry about.
"University is a different world but I still felt like I couldn't come out still – which
is a shame because that's your opportunity to have fun."
Nick Duffel set up Boarding
School Survivors in 1990 – a national organisation which helps troubled ex-boarders make
sense of their experiences.
They [gay men]
have difficulty with relationships because
they have become closed people at boarding school...
His book, The Making of Them, illustrates the effects boarding can have on young
people. The situation for gays and lesbians is especially complex. "They [gay men]
have difficulty with relationships because
they have become closed people at boarding school but this is also reinforced by
the shame and secrecy, until very recently, that were a big feature of being gay,"
he says.
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